Which makes me sound as if I was a manly, masculine monster until a second ago, but never mind that.
For most of my childhood, I was a very tomboyish kid. I used to love Pokemon and Digimon, I would have lots of stuffed toys or figurines of them (my parents bought me Barbie because I thought I would like it, but in the end I used Barbie as the evil sorceress of an imaginary game I played with all of my figurines). I’ve been an avid gamer throughout my life (still am) and I’ve never gotten into the fashion/hot guys/make up craze, even in high school.
A lot of friends knew me as that tomboyish person, and because of that, I felt as if I had a reputation to uphold. I abhorred dresses and anything feminine-related, because it wouldn’t fit my style, and also because I thought I would look bad in it. I was also afraid that people would think of me as weird if I suddenly showed up in a skirt or a dress, and would think I look bad in it or something like that.
But in the end, I kind of realised that I have actually been wanting to dress up once I have grown up. I have caught myself slyly peeking at fashion magazines, just seeing the cute and beautiful outfits that others seem to fit so perfectly well. Sometimes I would imagine what I would look in them, and only then I realised that I shouldn’t run away from what I really wanted to do: learn how to become more feminine.
I’ve been taking small steps towards this, such as playing with my hair in different styles and trying to dress up just a tiny bit each day (with scarves or something like that). I haven’t touched make up yet, but one day I will.
I know a few girls don’t actually feel feminine even once they grow up, my cousin always wears a tuxedo to formal events instead of a dress and she’s fine with it. But for those who do repress it, embrace it instead. You’ll feel much better about it and I felt much more confident knowing that I could wear skirts and dresses too.